Many of My Students Later Got Married to One Another Because They Were Socially Intelligent — Quality Education Specialist

The Masterminds Community Foundation recently held a workshop for students from five secondary schools in Lagos State on Emotional and Social Intelligence. One of the facilitators was Mr. Adeyemi Adebayo, an Education Quality Specialist, Consultant, and former Director at the Lagos State Ministry of Basic and Secondary Education. Adebayo, who now serves as Chief Operating Officer at FUTURE-X, spoke with DAYO EMMANUEL on why emotional and social intelligence are vital for students, drawing from his years of experience as a teacher and educationist.

Can you tell us about your background and why emotional and social intelligence are important for students?

I retired as a Director from the Lagos State Ministry of Basic and Secondary Education last year after 35 years of service. I had imagined retirement would be a time to rest, but it turned out to be a new phase entirely. Since retiring, I’ve been busy, even travelling widely, not for pleasure but for purposeful engagements.

The reason I share this is to emphasize that education isn’t just about scoring high in English, Mathematics, or Science. Of course, academic excellence is good — but it’s not everything. Many people who didn’t graduate with first-class degrees are still very successful in life. What makes the difference is often emotional and social intelligence.

We were created as social beings. No one can make meaningful progress in isolation. As an education quality specialist, I can tell you that students learn better when they learn together. Unfortunately, some students prefer to isolate themselves — and that may limit their growth.

Social intelligence means knowing how to relate with others meaningfully, and emotional intelligence is about managing your feelings. These two are critical. I’ve taught many students over the years, and many of them ended up marrying one another — because they were socially intelligent. They knew how to relate, connect, and recognize compatibility early.

Why is emotional control essential, especially for young people?

Life is not a 100-meter dash — it’s a marathon. We must teach our children not to compare themselves to others or let temporary feelings define their choices. Emotional intelligence helps them manage heartbreak, betrayal, and failure without breaking down or making irrational decisions.

Sadly, we’ve seen young people take drastic steps like suicide after a breakup or setback. That’s because they lack emotional resilience. This is why this workshop is so important — to equip children with the skills to handle their emotions and relate better with others.

Even the Bible emphasizes this — when God created man, He said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” We are wired for connection.

What role should parents and guardians play outside the school environment?

Education is a shared responsibility. Parents are the first teachers. Schools build on the foundation laid at home, while the wider society — including organizations like The Masterminds Community Foundation — complements that effort.

When children learn to count in school, it’s not their first exposure to numbers. At home, they’ve been told to bring one spoon or one cup. That’s the beginning of mathematics. So, when parents abandon their role and expect the school to do everything, problems arise.

Peer pressure is a major challenge among teenagers. How can it be addressed?

That’s where social and emotional intelligence come in. Some students try to copy others blindly without understanding themselves. A child may be gifted in dance or drama but will want to imitate someone good at mathematics — and that creates frustration.

Self-awareness is the key. We teach students to discover and accept their strengths. You don’t have to follow the crowd. If you’re doing the right thing, influence others positively instead of letting them pull you down.

You’ve spoken a lot about students in homes and schools. What about street children — those not in any structured environment?

Those children are identified as out-of-school children, and economic challenges often contribute to that. When I was growing up, there was communal parenting. Any adult could discipline or guide you. Urbanization has reduced that sense of community.

The school can only do so much. Teachers are responsible for students officially assigned to them. But the media and the larger society also have roles to play.

Unfortunately, most media content isn’t educational. Yet, every journalist has been shaped by education. You must give back by spotlighting educational issues. For example, many of your stations have street children nearby. How many of you have interviewed or reported their plight?

Report to the government. Suggest programs. Sometimes, when journalists report bad roads or crime spots, the government responds quickly. Let’s apply the same energy to education.

We all have a part to play. Government is just one piece of the puzzle. If we all do our part — parents, teachers, media, and NGOs — we can change the story for future generations.

Final thoughts?

Emotional and social intelligence are not luxuries. They’re essential life tools. If we teach our children to manage emotions and relate well with others, we’ll raise better leaders, better spouses, and ultimately, a better society.