‘Between Moral And Bad Parenting’

Dr. Olawale Faith-Anthony Akinnuoye

We’ve spoken so much on rape. Yes we should. No measuring standards, no words, no reactions from us as citizens of nations of the world, and no penalties too hash for offenders, should be spared as deterrents for crimes.

Ranging from abuses, to paedophilia to rape among others, crimes have become apparent and eaten deeply into the nerves of societies we live in as citizens of this one small universe in the age of Internet.

Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

In the above-cited scripture, we’re enjoined to train up our child in the way he or she should go… But the salient question we should ask ourselves as adults is…
“What right or wrong do I truly know?”

In our present world, parenting has become more problematic with men and women of intelligence quotient of an infant making and parenting babies. I would limit my discuss to few normal things we should know about our moral life in relation to parenting.

To train means to lay a standard, morally, ethically and professionally accepted norms. To inculcate, imbibe and push in moral traditions that go in line with a standard that allows the recipient to cope with challenges of life, from imminent into unforeseeable future.

The issues here are multi-pronged and will take time to address them as much as I could, starting with the actual tools of child training…Parents.

Bad parenting is nevertheless limited to what I tried to analyse in this write-up. There are hundreds of ways we as parents could make or mar our child or ward’s life.
Ofcourse, there are various direct and indirect sources from where children receive training beyond the walls of our homes and schools.

However let’s focus in the meantime, on PARENT, which in a wider term could be immediate, extended or forstery in natuure.

As a parent, what are the habits that could adversely impact children in a way that could wrongly shapen them toward wrong directions and constitute maladjusted or bad upbringing.

The following questions, point to some of the problems that result from bad parenting which in turn could be passed down to produce one more bad future parent from a normal innocent child:

1. As a religious person irrespective what and you believe, is your standard of commitment and obedience to the principles and scriptural ethics of your religion or belief system, convincing enough to be passed down to a child as a moral standard?
In other words, does the type of lifestyle you live in pursuant of your belief, morally good enough to encourage a child to want to adopt it for good?
For instance, as a Church person, if you disobey the scriptures and the moral teachings of the Holy scriptures, it will negatively impact a child under you.

2. Does your child know why some parts of his/her body are classified as private? S/he must know and be told that no opposite sex should touch those sections of her body or play with them because they are his/her sacred body parts, not even mum or dad, uncle or aunt or teacher, or friend should play with these parts.
Assure the child of the confidence that would make him/her free to report an abuse to you without fear.

3. Do you still watch pornography or are you addicted to similar contents that are morally brohibited?
It’s immoral. How then do you think your child won’t do the same!
Worse still, you’re most like to be a perpetrator or victim of a sexual crime.

4. Do you dress up or undress before a child? You’re passing down a dangerous and immoral signals to the child. It’s dangerous.

5. Do you go clubbing, involving in all immoral and misnormal activities?
You will likely be a victim or an accused or mutual accomplice in sexual and related criminal offences.
Obviously, in a few years time, if your present club partner repents and becomes a famous pastor or first citizen (governor/municipal chairman etc), you might come out later to accuse him of “raping” you 15 years ago with intent to blackmail or extort him/her. Think ahead about what you’re currently doing against yourself and the future of your child. It’s immoral.

6. Do you abuse your spouse, or involve in quarrels particularly in the presence of a child? The message from this is that the child would most likely be disrespectful and/or abusive to people.

7. Do you engage in sexual activity with your spouse in the presence of a child or in your room with your child sleeping in the same room at the same time? It’s an inteligential abuse exposing the child to something more cinister.

8. Do you abuse a child by beating, intimidation etc. That child will likely grow up with abusive tendencies.

9. As a female, do you go with every free ride offered by a male car driver? It’s immoral and dangerous avenue for crimes against you. Your child must be taught to know it’s not good to go out with strangers.

10. Do you dress indecently, half naked, nude, within your house with a growing child, in your neighbourhood or to public functions?
It’s an integral part of the problems of moral. I am not here to contend if you think it doesn’t matter to you. It’s significant to trigger emotional urge in a large number of opposite gender.

You’re only being selfish to other morally unstable people with no self control as yourself. Much more, you expose yourself to risk of abuse, assault and even death by those weak minded people. Both you and they, share the same low moral values that shouldn’t be taught a child.

11. Do you promote, sell, buy or play sex video, materials etc or watch blue movie channels very common in some countries?
Yes, maybe you’ll say these things are the only ways for you to make a living. You’re sincerely wrong, and indeed very wrong.

12. Do you allow that child access to the Internet sites without control over permissible and prohibited contents?
It’s the beginning of possible future problems for the child and you later in life.
Let your child know that he/she should never respond to every gesture of a stranger. Paedophiles are hunting down children through the internet.

13. Do you use or sell banned substances (marijuana, cocain, ‘ice’, meth, all forms of hard drugs)? You can’t escape having a child that grows up to get addicted to one or more illicit substances, be abusive, commit crimes and probably end up in jail.

14. How much of good in you do you think could proudly be passed down to your a child?
How you treat a friend, a neighbour, are you honest, respectful to your spouse and colleagues? These questions are soul-searching and vital to child development.
All of these do not include frailty of mind as not to know when to say No or Yes at an appropriate time, irrespective of who is involved.
It does not include inability to discern wrong from right. It’s not about being stupid.

15. Are you nature-friendly, good enough to pass down the trait down to a child? For example, how do you treat your immediate environment, including your pets?
If you clean your car, do you throw the garbage over a neighbour’s fence or fump it out in public places instead of a waste bin?
It’s part of the moral qualities needed to build up a morally sound society. Start with yourself

16. How do you treat someone who offers you a right of passage on the highway while you drive with a child in the car?
Do you thank them or you just zoom off without appreciation. It is a lack of courtesy if you drive off without appreciation.

17. Do you drive against the traffic, beat traffic lights, breach traffic rules, drive without a valid licence and updated particulars?
Do you give or take bribe etc in the presence of a child ?

18. Do you fail appointments or do you habitually arrive late for an appointment involving your child? It’s a bad moral example for a child.

19. Are you in the habit of reporting every little issue between you and your spouse to a third party including your parents, for resolution?
It’s immaturity and should be avoided if you expect a peaceful and lasting relationship.
A happy family enhances positive approach to nurturing a happy child.

20. Do you engage in public fight in the presence of your child?
It’s depressing to a child. As much as you could, try and avoid a heated public rift, scuffle and demeaning encounter with anyone.

Your character is one of the most powerful teachers of your child. Watch over it as you do both your life and child.

Photo Caption:

Dr. Olawale Faith-Anthony Akinnuoye.